I've already stated that words are close friends of mine. There are times where I can literally visualize phrases, sentences and sayings that will someday come together to form a new piece of writing. I believe that God uses this avenue to speak to me... and I also think I'm a little weird. Either way, this post came to me over the course of few days after a hard and amazing small group time about family.
My small group is amazing. Full of people I am honored to do life with for so many reasons, one of which are the tricky topics we navigate together. This month was about family. How to honor the family that you have been given even when (or should I say especially when) it is hard. We listened to an amazing sermon (https://passioncitychurch.com/gathering/dont-waste-your-family/ ) about not wasting your family. Here, we learned that NO MATTER WHAT, there is always something to be thankful for when it comes to the biological family that you have, the one that was not chosen BY you, but FOR you from the Big Man Himself. NO matter what hard circumstance your biological family brings, there is literally always something to be thankful for, even if it is only the gift of life itself. So not only did it make me think about not wasting my family, it made me think about not wasting my time on this earth filled with frustration about the biologically family I have (or should I say the biological father I have). I do not talk often about my biological father, because quite honestly I don't think of him often. God gave my mom and I a man who is now husband (Tom) who adopted me when I was seven and it has been the greatest honor to have become his daughter. I actually often forget that I'm adopted because I am so much like Tom (Dad<-- not biological but FOR SURE real). There was so much potential for me to have this deep rooted hatred for my biological father for abandoning my mom and I. But after the last few days, I began to contemplate the power of a perspective change. A little back story; the condensed version... my mom got pregnant when she was a teenager. My biological father was never a part of the equation of my upbringing (or literally my being brought into the world. Nothing, Nada). My mom took me to college with her and we did life together for 6 years on our own. She is a warrior. Strongest person I know. Then she met Tom. He's a vet and the coolest cat around (pun intended). They got married and Tom was able to adopt me officially a year later. So it wasn't until I was 7 that I was able to experience what it was like to have a dad. They had two boys who are my brothers and we are a weird and wonderful family unit. Below are the words that have been stringing themselves together in my mind ever since my small group message and today, I share them with you because in EVERYTHING there is something to be thankful for and literally EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Dear Biological Father, In a lot of ways, this letter was 30 years in the making. 30 years and 10 months to be exact. That is when I was made. By you and my mom. 30 years and 10 months ago, I was given the gift of life, and how amazing is that? Even though I was unplanned, and essentially, unwanted, a gift this life sure is. After 30 years of trying to understand your place in all of this, I have come to the conclusion that it is just that, that time 30 years and 10 months ago, that was your one and only place, and for that I am thankful. I am thankful that you gave me the gift of life. It has taken me 30 years to be able to connect a positive word to you because there has been a lot of confusion and frustration about your role (or lack there of) in my life. But I am no longer comfortable going forward with my life without you knowing that in-spite of your abandonment and absence, I owe you this thanks. So, thanks for life, for real. I wanted to reach out and share a few things that have been recently been bubbling to the surface for me as I am on this journey of motherhood of my own now. I want to be able to speak to my own kids someday about the God's plans always make sense eventually, you just need to be patient. Someday you will see how each step, hardship and struggle was woven together to be the tapestry of your wonderful and beautiful life. So here are a few more thank yous. Thank you for leaving my mom and I. Being alone for 7 years with a young mom and no man taught me tenacity, hard work and independence. All three of which I posses and practice each day. And I do not believe I would have these things if my family dynamic would have been different from birth. I am also thankful for the gift of family, true family that has absolutely nothing to do with blood or genetics. Being adopted into a family that loved me unconditionally from the moment I joined is a gift that has shown me that love has no boundaries, especially DNA. IF you would have remained a part of my life, I would not have been able to experience this unconditional love. Thank you for not paying child support. This taught me so much about responsibility, providing for my own children and planning financially in a variety of reasons. I am thankful that we had to struggle financially because it made me to be fiscally responsible for my own family today. I sometimes wonder if you wonder about me? I don’t know if you do, but if so, here is your chance to put that wonder to rest. I am good, great actually. I am loved and I know how to love. I do not have abandonment issues or daddy issues (my father is actually one of the most wonderful human beings on the planet. Another thank you that I have, because if you were my Dad I would have never been able to be adopted by this rock str of a dad and that would just be devastating). I work hard and have a fulfilling career. I am a mother and wife and have created a beautiful life grounded in God and surrounded by family. I am thankful for this life I have and that did start with you. So if there is any wonder about me you can know that I am thankful for the start. I hope this can bring you some peace of mind, because it certainly has for me. Thank you. Care. Not Carry. |
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